My thoughts on Kurt (a jumble I know)

My admiration for Kurt Cobain is complicated. I'm not really into punk nor have I ever listened to Bleach, but I still consider myself a legit fan. When I tell people that Kurt's my biggest inspiration they kind of chuckle to themselves; some think that admiring a suicidal drug addict is weird--I see no problem with it. It's hard to express why I like Kurt so much, all I can say is that listening to his music makes me feel calm. Although I know he didn't like people reading into his lyrics, I think he's a brilliant writer. His song "Dumb" is probably one of my favorite songs of all time.  In it he talks about the crap serious parts of life, and then talks about his happiness. I've always felt like he's saying "you shouldn't be happy when life is a mess, but I'm gonna do it anyway" For me, when something goes wrong in my life I let it bog me down. When I listen to Dumb I'm reminded that no one is able to officially label something "dumb" or "wrong." On some level, the song even makes me reacess what being dumb even means. Some may view Kurt as dumb; I don't think so.
I began admiring Kurt two summers ago when I read his journals.  My favorite section is when he writes "our party gathers out of boredom. Role playing for affection and acceptance and to disinfect nagging germs ending in silence." Once again, he managed to describe feelings I could completely relate to, especially since I'm still in high school. There are a lot of days where I think people fake themselves, and hang around together just to seem cool and understood. I know I've done it before. I guess my favorite aspect of Kurt is that he's able to look at these actions from afar and describe what someone is really doing. He's able to identify the horrible and manipulative parts of life and explain them.
Outside of liking Kurt I like this portrait of him too. I think shooting (or editing) it to be black and white was a brilliant idea. The colors allow the eye to focus solely on him and his guitar, which, on some level was really all he cared about.

 I feel trying to write my feelings about someone I admire so much kind of underscores my appreciation of him. I'm sure some of what I've just written may come off as naive, stupid, or wrong. Oh well. I hope this entry made some semblance of sense.